I’ve had lots of time to contemplate what makes accomplishing Level 4 in the Parelli Program such a seemingly huge endeavor. I’ve also considered what it will take from me to get there.
There is the obvious requirement of skills and timing.
However, at some point I became extremely clear that the journey from Level 3++ to Level 4 will require some big growth from me, from the inside out.
Recently, my horse became ill and the last 6 weeks or so have been focused on her healing. I had gotten home from the Parelli Summit and Instructor Conference with lots of motivation and begun working hard toward the Level 4 goal with her.
…maybe too hard. The words and thoughts used there say it all, really. I had gone to a place of super focused and intense. This is not a foreign place to me. I continue to strive to find the balance between staying motivated and committed without being so intense I push the dream away.
Yesterday I was sitting in the pasture with my horse, Jesse and steer, Mambo doing a Deepak Chopra guided meditation with the title “Fearless Me”. In the meditation Deepak directed us to envision being at the foot of a mountain with our dreams at the peak. He guided us to envision an overgrown area where we can see a path existed. His words directed me to pull the weeds to find the path. As Deepak related the weeds to the fears we continue to let get in our way, I was given some clarity. I had gotten to a place of stillness and peace and I heard his words clearly, “What are you most afraid of?” “You know the answer”. I did know and it came to me right away. I am most afraid of not being good enough. Still.
Knowing and embracing myself as good enough is my current focus. The goal of attaining Level 4 in the Parelli Program is my vessel to get there.
The second part of my recent clarity centers on the fact that I can get so intense I get in my own way. I know the journey is the juicy part, but I can still want something so badly that I get focused on “getting there”. Maybe that’s because I haven’t truly embraced me yet; haven’t truly begun to believe that I’m good enough. Hmmmm.
I’ve had this little voice in my head for 16 months reminding me of a piece of feedback I received from a great friend and horseman that I had the honor of connecting with during my 3 months at the Parelli Campus last year, Sean Coleman, Parelli Professional.
Sean and his amazing partner, Liz Jones, Parelli Professional became my roommates by some not so coincidental circumstances and my life has been forever changed because of their friendship. Each day we got back to the condo and had some deep conversations on our experiences, learning, and generally supported each other in decompressing and reflecting.
We were talking about our peer evaluations and I mentioned one that I had received that stated, “you need to spend more quality time versus spending all your time” (sorry if it’s not exact, Sean :). I was telling Liz and Sean that was something I knew about myself but must need to keep working at. Sean said, “that feedback was from me”.
I received so many beautiful pieces of feedback from my peers that day, which is really important to a Right Brain Introvert. However, that piece of truth from a friend and someone I knew genuinely wants to see me succeed was a truth that has stuck with me and helped me get to a place where I now know it’s a big part of me that’s been standing between me and my dreams. I need to focus on it, versus just knowing about it.
I have finally turned my focus from just getting to Level 4 to including embracing me and loving every day with my horse; it’s just as important. I will finally focus on pulling the weeds of being too intense which cause me to push away my dreams. I will continue to lovingly pull those weeds every day with self compassion. I will accept that Level 4 isn’t the necessary focus, but digging deeper and pulling the weeds to be able to have a clear path is the juicy part of this piece of my journey.
Here’s to your journey. May you find your weeds, embrace them, and lovingly pull them to find your clarity. May you be blessed with authentic friends who love you enough to tell you the truth. Thank you Liz and Sean for your willingness to be open, honest, and vulnerable in friendship. You continue to inspire me.