Externship Ending … Only the Beginning

As I prepare to leave Pagosa and move into the next part of my journey, I am reflecting on something our instructor 4 Star Parelli Professional Teri Sprague left us with.  “Every Ending is the beginning of a new beginning.  Welcome to the new beginning.”  For me, each experience in life is an opportunity to learn and grow and I am committed to living with the “life is perfect” belief system every day.  Linda Parelli came to speak to us on graduation day and was inspiring and thought provoking as usual.  I was moved by her words as well as her way of being.  With the final emotional, beautiful sharing of highlights, gratitudes, and fun times as we had cake and ice cream in the barn, I have been moved to write to you to share more on this amazing journey.

 …A new beginning.  On first thought, that means to me expansion on my business as a Parelli Professional and my horsemanship.  As I let it sink in a bit, there’s way more to it.  For each of us, it will be different depending on what we need to learn.  Linda talked about how, over the years, she’s seen people go through this experience and it can be difficult, emotionally.  She gave us guidance on how we can take the opportunity to learn rather than spread discomfort or negative thoughts to those around us.  We can stop and realize we are at a point in our journey that’s hard and choose to manage ourselves and be in it, rather than place blame on others or decide it’s all been bad.  I’ve been processing for the last couple of weeks with the ending of the externship coming and it has felt like I’ve truly had two little voices having constant conversations on managing me.

…”I wonder what my outcome will be.  Remain in the present.  But I’m so curious about my next step.”
You get the picture.

Also, I am a true RBE (RBI in learning situations…so, anytime I’m at the Parelli center:) and am so aware of my inclination to need approval from others.  That has been something I’ve committed to managing while in the externship.  I’ve been able to keep those moments to a minimum and not allow them to take me off course, but they are still there.  As Linda talked yesterday, I thought more about the reality that we don’t become someone else through learning and growth.  We continue to become a better version of who we are, innately.  This year, my 35th, I realized my biggest challenge and need was to be whole; from within.  Authentically.  I recognize moments when there’s a difference in how I come to the table based on where I am on that scale.  As a RBE, I may find myself more focused on getting praise from the outside than I’d like.  This time here at the externship has given me many opportunities to see the growth I’ve made there as well as many opportunities to feel the feelings and pull myself away from what I consider unhealthy reactions that can too easily take me to a place of judging, expecting others to fill me up, and so on.  Interestingly, I have had outside praise from people who I respect and trust that has helped me find a deeper place inside of me that fills me up.  With every big lesson, I discover life is not neat and tidy and usually things are not black and white.  I am aware that I will be processing this experience for a long while, but am currently very clear that I have found significant growth from deep in my soul. My  next big challenge for myself is to work at becoming a great presenter.  A presenter that can engage others and be there for them, not concerned about myself.  For this RBE that will be quite a feat and I am ready for the challenge.  This will mean such learning and growth in confidence and I will be able to better engage in making the world a better place for horses and humans as part of the Parelli family.  I commit to living with the “I am” feeling of being there (meaning being where I want to be) as Dr. Wayne Dyer talks about in his book “wishes fulfilled”.  I leave with a peacefulness I don’t remember ever feeling.  A knowingness that I am on the cusp of something big and that will come from within me.  My genuine wish for you is that you find the areas of your life where you need the biggest growth and that will be the most challenging and dive in (or tiptoe in depending on what works for you).  Those are the biggest opportunities to have the most amazing shifts and get closer to being  the most authentic, successful, whole version of yourself.

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