Women and Mares

At 34, I have begun a quest to learn about, and honor, the things about being a woman that I have lived my life resenting. My attitude has always been, “give me a pill or something to make it go away so I can get on with my life”. Well, my emotions and other effects have gotten to a place over the years where I realized something had to be off…out of balance. And I am finally at a place where I am high enough on my priority list to make finding a way to feel better a priority. Also, I’m scheduled for an externship next year and am committed to finding a way to get more emotionally balanced and get my hormones in check.  In the past, I’ve gone completely RBI when at the center and it gets in the way of the potential richness of the experience. I’m ready to be the human I’ve always wanted to be, and as a woman, must get this hormone thing worked out:) The experience of being in a place where we’re encouraged to be authentic and feel the feelings is amazing and each visit gets more comfortable, as well. One aspect of my quest is beginning to really explore Chinese Medicine. I’m learning that Chinese Medicine is way more than acupuncture and am going to appointments weekly. I’ve also begun taking Chinese herbs and learning about lifestyle changes that can help. Food therapy is helpful. But ya know what I feel has given me to most dramatic results? Controlling my state of mind…controlling my thoughts. We’ve heard about how important that is before, haven’t we? Now, I give myself permission to stop for a day and rest. I use a mantra my mom taught me…”wait to worry”. I notice when my energy is draining and put a strong focus on bringing it back to me, to rejuvenate me. I talk with other women about the realities of the differences in being a woman and celebrate those things. Just changing my mindset and my thoughts makes things easier. I’m also seeing my equine partner, Jesse, differently. My outlook was greatly changed through the horsenality reports and education, which helped us to get more connected. I now see her with a greater respect and appreciation. As my mother in law told me once, “remember, we’re mares too”. I’m not crazy just because I have different emotions on different days. Well, neither is Jesse, this beautiful LBI mare…my greatest teacher. She must have days where even being looked at with my focus and intention feels overbearing.  I get that.  She must have days where she just isn’t feeling well and is more introverted than usual.  She must have days where she is more emotionally sensitive than others.  I have at least 7 days of being introverted and emotionally sensitive, to varying degrees, every month.  Women are designed that way, so it only makes sense that mares are our mirrors in those ways to some extent, as well.  There’s no getting away from it.  I’m ready to honor it and try harder to recognize it.  Jesse challenges me to be uncomfortable and be okay.  She challenges me to truly listen and communicate with her, because she’ll rarely feel the same as the day before. She’s an LBI; I’m RBE. She needs to think. I can’t stop thinking…and doing. When people are watching, my ego wants to impress. She usually requires me to do the exact opposite of what that would look like. If my thoughts even hint to frustration or disconnection or pushiness, she pushes back. If I use physical encouragement to get her to move, she kicks out. If I get more adamant, so does she. She doesn’t give up and she won’t back down if she isn’t being respected and heard. I now see this description and these words and smile. I think, “now that’s quite a woman”. I aspire to be that kind of woman. The reward in her offering me things before I ask, or more than I ask is more fulfilling than I can find words for.  Having her look at me with those ears forward, questioning, brings such joy and feels like such an accomplishment.  It truly fills my heart to capacity.  In those moments I’m so connected to her and so proud of me.  The beauty and the amazing gift this treasured being offers me is this. I have the perfect teacher in my life. She doesn’t have an ego and she doesn’t hold grudges. She expects me to do what she needs and she offers the moon when I do. She is a perfect mirror, giving instant feedback. She offers endless opportunities for me to be the human, the woman, I want to be. As I begin this part of my journey with true acceptance and honor for myself, I embrace the unknown and all the moments I’ll need to say “how interesting” as I continue the quest for a genuine partnership with this powerful mare. I find myself at this place again, where I am growing and changing as a human being in ways I never would have even imagined or known to imagine, had I not found this mare. Jesse, my treasure, required me to commit to this journey and I have found my life passion.