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Coming Full Circle

Have you ever had a Deja Vous moment that just came out of nowhere?  I was recently having a rather exciting ride on my mare and one popped up:-)  She is in what I call “high heat” and seemed to be feeling very LBE and having RBE moments…some extreme moments in both quadrants.  I had started my time with her at liberty and her LBI self was still there until we left home.  It was feeding time and she’s in season.  Once we headed away from home for our walk/canter session, she got really BIG.  Not too terribly long ago, I might have decided to get off and play with her on the ground, but I felt like I could ride what she was offering and wanted to give it a go.  I’ve been really studying LBE strategies and all that I can find on Linda’s PC page with Allure and Westpoint, and have the horsenality report on Taxi, an LBE.  So, I matched her energy and off we went.  She was most interested in winking at all the boys we passed and boy did it get interesting when we passed the herds and all those geldings!  I pulled on my LBE side and tried to think quick and match her.  I was having quite a lot of fun and just using this ride as an opportunity to test myself and see if I had the strategies and abilities to give Jesse what she needed in a leader.  An hour or so into the ride, as we were finding our way around the ranch, I realized we were in a spot where I had my last upsetting, scary, frustrating ride on Jesse a few years back that was my breaking point.  She was bucking and mad and her focus was clearly on getting away from me.  Interestingly enough, she was in heat and it was pm feeding time.  That was the point where I couldn’t take any more and didn’t know who to turn to or what to do.  It really affected me emotionally because I sooooo wanted my horse to just love me:-)  I thought of finding a better leader for her, but couldn’t imagine the possibility of handing her over and not knowing what would happen to her.  I was really down on myself.  I finally decided I had to fix me and realized I was gonna have to go great lengths (and distances) to do so.  I realized I always went to the Parelli Program when I had problems and thought, “I wonder what I could accomplish if I commit to this program”.  My horse’s needs and my desperation were finally more important than what people around me thought (what I thought they thought:-) or said about Parelli and my journey began.  I pulled that L2 pack off the shelf and never looked back.  Having listened to Pat’s most recent audio cd on progressiveness, I’ve been reflecting on all this and looking at my goals, asking myself if I’m progressive and if I have a balance where I can put the horse’s needs first.  I believe I teeter back and forth between progressive and non progressive and realize this life lesson and life skill is like all the others I seek as I move through my journey.  It will likely come and go.  I will likely find growth in this area at times and will also likely lose a little ground at times.  Isn’t it amazing how when we get some of these lessons and understandings they start to really affect all our struggles?  Just having the true acceptance and understanding that I won’t ever “get there” and that I really need to focus on the journey and EXPECT A LOT, ACCEPT A LITTLE, REWARD OFTEN…for me, has been transformational in every aspect of my life.  I keep saying  Parelli is life changing & it continues to be true.  I currently feel like I’m on a roller coaster with so many wonderful lessons and opportunities for growth coming my way and it’s exhilarating!  It’s so cool how this is mirrored in my horsemanship journey, as well and am loving the confidence I’ve begun to achieve.   It feels like there’s a domino effect in place; each great lesson brings another new opportunity.  I am truly discovering what it feels like to live life with Passion and follow my dreams; to honor my true self.  I am starting to attain those mantras I currently have on my vision board: SURRENDER & SELF WORTH.  THANK YOU PAT AND LINDA AND THE INCREDIBLE PARELLI FAMILY!!!   What a ride!
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